and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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