Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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