I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
