just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
