you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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