It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
