when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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