i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
