she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
