Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
