I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
