they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He shit in the fireplace
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
