I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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