Reggie can tackle my bush.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
