So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
