Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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