Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
