I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
