you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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