Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
