names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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