1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
