I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
