I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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