We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
