there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
