When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
