I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you made out with another girl for some wings
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
