I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
