My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
