I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
