Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
