you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
