I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
