I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
