woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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