You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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