Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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