i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
