Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
