Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
