no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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