I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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