He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
