i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
