Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
