I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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