is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
