i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
