My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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