Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
