Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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