dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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