so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
