we have pet lesbian snakes
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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