First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
