I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
