omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
