I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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